Sleepless

It is sad that one’s action can be seen as annoying. Regardless of true intentions, if the receiving end does not receive well, it is a waste.

The memories of the past, of dancing the night away, leading and movements.

I can hardly believe that I was borne from that realm. It keeps me up at night, when I reflect what His sovereign hand has grasped me and saved me from.

Yet I reflect on the past. And I compare it to the present. And I compare the trials faced back then to the trials I am currently in.
The present is not the past.

In the present, adversity and entanglements come from unexpected sources. No wonder I’m reminded by others to not despair; it’s too easy to despair when you see dear relationships crumble at man’s whim.

“Michael,… Be careful what you post or email to people.” Some time ago, I ran into a blogpost. The message was short and keen, much like a knife in the dark. But it was enough to get the point across.

It was enough to bring me to tears.

This is a public confession. I am a sinner.

I know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of this. I finally understand why we should never post spitefulness, hurtfulness, nor hatefulness over the web.

At one hand, it hurts me a lot. At another, it pains me & convicts me even more that I am guilty of this.

I am so sorry.

I know that nothing I do will ever erase my sins; they are FROZEN in time. The internet keeps records (at least 6 months, in Google cached pages, if not more).

Nevertheless, I see the truthfulness of these words:

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” -1 Timothy 1:15-16

This is why Jesus, the ultimate peacemaker, had to die for me. My sins are so revolting that He HAD to come down and save me. The Gospel is all we can appeal to; it is THE message of TRUE peace.

Therefore, I read somewhere that conflict provides opportunites; for one, it is Christ’s way of exposing our sinfulness to us, revealing how truly horrifying it is.

And horrifying it is.

It is too easy to despair, upon suffering and receiving pains. But the Word says:

“For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” -1 Peter 3:17

No matter what the cost, we are to image Jesus and witness to His work in us. No matter how much pain, we are to PURSUE PEACE and DIE to ourselves, exhibiting CHRIST in our life.

And if we suffer because we try to magnify God through our actions, we are exemplifying Christ’s work in us!

For it is far better to suffer than to sin.

+Michael K

Toned down

Earlier, a person noticed a change about me.

That I “toned down”

Toned down. I hate that term.

Though times and trials weather the soul, I do not believe there are any excuse to “tone down.”

A person can become more refined, discerning in his approach to people. He may even decide to open up more on appropriate moments, retreating on other occasions when it is not necessary. After all, it is not necessary for everyone and their moms to know every detailed facet of your life.

But.

Does the love of our God ever takes a break and deadens to a lull?

If the true passion of loving God and people does not reside in the heart, then we may as well be toned down to death.

Ultimately, is the love of Christ ever toned down?

Trash

Would you give it a shot?

No. She’s trash to me.

He asked me if I’d be thrilled to take her out on a date. I replied back with my gut. My friend then chortled and stated that’s not the way for me to treat other women.

Well, lemme ask you question. Do you want to marry someone mean?

No..

Then stop being mean.

Ouch. Burn.

Even if I feel entitled to respond meanly, it gives me no license to say harsh words. Another person’s trash does not excuse mine.

Well I should be cleaning up now.

Lost

One evening, I was looking for Catch.com

Over 3 years worth of sermon notes were stored in that website because my phone at the time was an Android (the Motorola Droid 1, to be exact). I used AK Notepad to take notes digitally, which synchronized with Catch.

I knew I should have backed up my files but I put it all off because once again it was 3 years worth of sermon notes to back up.

But there was a catch. I could not log in. In fact, I met this screen:

Then I found this link.

No word of warning. Just gone. All my content. Lost.

Nowadays I no longer rely on a single app. For note-taking, I returned to old-fashion granular pen-and-paper with my dayrunner journal.

But after writing, I take snapshots with Evernote’s Page Camera. It is saved in my Evernote, practically an extension of my cortex. With a simple keystroke and search away, I can dig up archived thoughts from years past.

Yet in the end, there is no such thing as a perfect one-size-fits-all system. The best productivity system is the one that gets out of your way and allows you to focus on what is at hand. My double-backed archiving method will only be as good as the archiver’s effort to review the material, remember why it was written down and crystallize the information to the mind.

If I had lost my journals and archives, I can always go back to what I have in my head and move forward.

Testing. One. Two. Three.

This is a test post.

This is a test post, testing the functionality of DraftIn.com’s WordPress Publishing feature.¹

Though I am the sole writer of this blog, I like using nifty tools to make life easier.

I hope this works out well!

My ToDo for this app:

• Test Draft
• Make sample post
• Review!²

---

1. DraftIn is an app created by a solo developer. It is version control and collaboration for writers. Very helpful if you have to write a lot and edit with several people. ↩

2. There are two things that DraftIn cannot do:

   1. Set featured image for your WordPress blog post and
   2. Schedule/Queue your posts.

   What my workaround for this quirk is publishing my DraftIn post as a draft in WordPress (see what I did there?) in order to select featured image and schedule when to publish the post within the WordPress UI. ↩

Daydreamings

I had a hopeful daydream today. Formerly lost, tucked away in the corner of my mind, the old dream that I once had resurfaced. What caused it to come up again? Perhaps it was my unintentional attention to the Stream, known as the Internet.

I spend too much time cyber-stalking and profile-perusing. Endless update posts of people playing and placing forward their best life now whereas I feel like I live in the mundane.

It is not healthy nor natural to feed the mind that way. At face value, it is neutral but when social media is designed to depress, it poisons the mind. Moreover I can actively feed myself temporal trash with the comfort and convenience of my phone.

So I had a dream but life killed the dream I dreamed. And I unwittingly and willingly actively kill it every day by the palm of my hand.

It’s not that I hate you. It’s not you. It’s me.

+MK

Sent from my iPhone

Notegraphy

Notegraphy

Just started another side blog from Notegraphy. It’s really neat.

Alongside my Scriptogr.am, which is a place to hold short stories and thoughts, I plan to post writings that are too small to be a blog post but interesting enough to have an artistic, typographic letter in the background. The two are both fun diversions for me to exercise writing in different ways.

I’m aiming to post one Notegraph (or note-o-graph?) every day, following the letters in the alphabet.

So in case you missed it, below are the links to my side blogs:

• Scriptogram | short stories, thoughts and writings
• Notegraphy | beautifully designed writing

+MK

New Mercies

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Today is my last day of full-time commitment at San Diego. Though I will be back on weekends, my priority and focus will be in Los Angeles.

Recently, I’ve been waking up with old wounds feeling bittersweet and fresh. Earlier this weekend, I scraped my shin off during practice. It’s a daily exercise to go about my business without pain shooting up my leg upon contact. It’s also been a daily exercise to go about my business while pain shoots up my heart from past scars.

Life is hard. There are days when joy is inexpressible and fills my entire being. But there have been days when I’ve been filled with a morose spirit.

In one of those dour days, a friend looked at me while I was sour and offered to buy me lunch. I looked back and accepted it. Still in my personal pity party, I zoned out and it barely registered that I got free lunch.

I ate that juicy burrito, I suddenly realized that the entire time I’ve been moping, God has given me the simple things in life to rejoice over.

Desires and feelings of unmet self-perceived needs are what kills a joyful spirit. Yet it was God kissing me in my face with His unending grace.

Reminders of His steadfastness and kindness strengthen me to fight on and fight hard. The simple things are reminders of our Savior’s lavish love and faithfulness. The hard things are reminders that this life is not home but there is eternity to long for.

Life is serious. Every day has worries. Wounds can reopen. Yet every day has new mercies to overcome daily worries.

Though weeping may last for the night, joy comes in the morning. Time heals all wounds, even those that reopen. The night will end. The dawn will come. The sun will rise.

Today is the last day, but tomorrow is the start of newer days to come. +MK

Belated Church Wisdom

You can change the fellowship of the church but you cannot change the leadership.

So if you aren’t even being challenged at the church you’re at, there’s no chance that staying (and even serving there) will make the teaching any better.

One person can influence the dynamics and fellowship of the local church body. But unless that person is in a leadership position (as part of the elders/pastoral leaders) or able to significantly influence such people, one person simply cannot shift the entire teaching direction that the leaders have set.

+MK

Story

Photography by unknown

He walked away from that room. A sad expression filled the features of his face.

Seeing her…

She was the sunshine of his eyes.

“Michael, I’m so happy to see you today! Thank you for visiting me!”

“I know everything is different. But I’m so happy because you are still here!”

Words appeared in his screen, with the ebullient spirit of her heart captured in pixelated letters.

He motioned to type, but could not find the will to hit Send.

“…”

As she held her phone, tears streamed down her face as his text bubble stopped abruptly, with no words to complete his thought to life.

She keyed back her thoughts.

“I’m so grateful that you came!”
“Thank you for still being with me.”

He looked at her sentences in his screen.

He pressed Send.

“Not everything.”