Sleepless

It is sad that one’s action can be seen as annoying. Regardless of true intentions, if the receiving end does not receive well, it is a waste.

The memories of the past, of dancing the night away, leading and movements.

I can hardly believe that I was borne from that realm. It keeps me up at night, when I reflect what His sovereign hand has grasped me and saved me from.

Yet I reflect on the past. And I compare it to the present. And I compare the trials faced back then to the trials I am currently in.
The present is not the past.

In the present, adversity and entanglements come from unexpected sources. No wonder I’m reminded by others to not despair; it’s too easy to despair when you see dear relationships crumble at man’s whim.

“Michael,… Be careful what you post or email to people.” Some time ago, I ran into a blogpost. The message was short and keen, much like a knife in the dark. But it was enough to get the point across.

It was enough to bring me to tears.

This is a public confession. I am a sinner.

I know how much it hurts to be on the receiving end of this. I finally understand why we should never post spitefulness, hurtfulness, nor hatefulness over the web.

At one hand, it hurts me a lot. At another, it pains me & convicts me even more that I am guilty of this.

I am so sorry.

I know that nothing I do will ever erase my sins; they are FROZEN in time. The internet keeps records (at least 6 months, in Google cached pages, if not more).

Nevertheless, I see the truthfulness of these words:

“The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.” -1 Timothy 1:15-16

This is why Jesus, the ultimate peacemaker, had to die for me. My sins are so revolting that He HAD to come down and save me. The Gospel is all we can appeal to; it is THE message of TRUE peace.

Therefore, I read somewhere that conflict provides opportunites; for one, it is Christ’s way of exposing our sinfulness to us, revealing how truly horrifying it is.

And horrifying it is.

It is too easy to despair, upon suffering and receiving pains. But the Word says:

“For it is better to suffer for doing good, if that should be God’s will, than for doing evil.” -1 Peter 3:17

No matter what the cost, we are to image Jesus and witness to His work in us. No matter how much pain, we are to PURSUE PEACE and DIE to ourselves, exhibiting CHRIST in our life.

And if we suffer because we try to magnify God through our actions, we are exemplifying Christ’s work in us!

For it is far better to suffer than to sin.

+Michael K

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