“For a person who criticizes that a lot, you use it a lot!”
That’s quite unbecoming!
Hey! Let’s see… What are more unbecoming things I can be pointed at?!
1) For a person who loves to blog/talk/write, I have the hardest time to sustain a normal conversation in person.
2) I take words from certain people, blog about how it exposes my heart issues, and then end up forget what I blogged about. Resulting in me REPEATING MISTAKES.
3) I take words from certain people who really don’t care. Why do I do this to myself? Do I care more than I ought to? Whose opinions am I trying to please?
4) I talk. Alot. Then I end up having a foot-shaped mouth, say something stupid, and then say, “Ooops. Sorry.” You can’t “Ooops. Sorry.” things that cost your reputation.
5) I express feelings over this blog, but then I flail and fail at expressing these feelings to people in real-time.
6) I yell at others to be disciplined, but I struggle with discipline.
7) I rant about things that I struggle the most.
I wrote this blog. I’m a hypocrite?
There we go! We have established the hypocrisy of me! Yes! Let’s go dump more trash and kick him down as we expose his inadequacies! Now, THIS is beating a dead horse over and over and over! If there is anyone who fails at life, it would be me!
In spite of all the above, you know what blows me away?
“But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong..” – 1 Cor 1:26
I have such a hard time that God would still save a stupid hypocritical thing like me and use me for His purposes! I cannot fully grasp that grace! That is the grace that takes the broken haters of God, saves them, and uses them to testify His love to the world!
Reminders, such as a friend pointing out my hypocrisy regarding this, shows me that I have a long way to go.
Today, I was not feeling very good. Today, I met friends TWICE. Friends who I should have been more intentional with my words. Friends who needed encouragement. Friends who I ought to have been more loving to.
Moreover, I had an opportunity that literally invited me to sit next to him. An opportunity to share God’s love. An opportunity that I was too slow to take. By the time a prayer was thought up, the man left.
For a man who says “we MUST be intentional & purposeful in everything”, I failed greatly today. Perhaps even writing this entry might be another “failure” that I am adding to the list of “Stupid things that Michael should never do.”
But I write this post to remind and encourage others who are in my shoes. Remember that God wasn’t hindered by my stupidness. Rather, IN SPITE OF MY FOOLISHNESS, God is in control AND God even chose to use me for His purposes.
This verse is trapped in my head. And I can’t stop myself from feeling pierced by this calling, this grace.
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God’s people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.”- 1 Peter 2:9-10 [emphasis added by me]
I am not worthy to proclaim the message that saved me. Yet, God saved this unworthy hypocrite. And commands this unworthy hypocrite to proclaim His excellencies.
His excellencies is worth carrying the cross.
edit: I am still humbled that God shows me opportunities to proclaim His glory, even while I’m holed up in hypocrisy. Well, I was unprepared for those opportunities.
I ought to strive HARDER to tear off whatever is unbecoming of me, lest I be caught unprepared again.