Tonight, after a night of being in a certain field of ministry, I come home with a Youtube video in my email.
I click it and I end up watching.
My past comes back to me, and memories flicker in as I see my former dance team on public television. Ashes of pride & self-pity threaten to rile up as I see faces that I had seen, only a year before, who had been struggling to learn the art that I was striving at…
They have become true practitioners of that art, while my artistry has been left to rust..
After the applause and resounding cheers, my heart began to sink as I felt happy for my ex-teamers, but what-ifs and if-only‘s began to flood back as the words began to echo around my mind…
“Out of all the guys I danced with,.. You’re my favorite. I like your connection.”
“I can see that you have gotten so much better. You’ve become so good.”
“You were great, showed such great promise!”
It’s no coincidence that my workplace began to collaborate with my former team. It’s no coincidence that I began to see my teammates more and more. And with all these things happening, I feel my own heart sinking and feeling tested in many ways.
But I look up away from my laptop, and I see pictures, faces, people, souls. I force myself to stop, and to breathe. These are souls that have affected my life, and whose lives I had the privilege in sharing my life with…
I click open a window. A post on my facebook wall says this: “Phil. 3:4-9”
“though I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith—” (Philippians 3:4-9)
To let go of my self-pity, I only had to look back a few hours back and realize that I left a selfish, potentially becoming an idol, ambition for the privilege to be with the broken-hearted. To even have the privilege to be used as an instrument to heal the broken and the lost… I am amazed at the enormity of that task… And those are only few of the effects of the main heart/life goal change that I have resolutely committed to follow.
I look back to the lives that has been entrusted to me and I am thankful for everything. I’m thankful that God has even placed small reminders, such as index card lessons and photo stills, to show me a tiny peek of His great plan unfolding through every situation.
As I strive to reflect and refocus, I know that it’s so worth it all… What is dance really worth in 5 to 10 years from now? In eternity? How do I measure 5 minutes and 15 seconds of fleeting physical bliss… to a true, genuine human soul? My sandcrowns.. my castle of cards… are so worth burning it down if I can even have a chance to be used by God to save a life.
My sandcastles… are so worth letting the waves of time wash it all away,… if I can even have the chance to gain Christ and know my Lord.
Even if I had become the very best in that art,
it’d be WORTHLESS if in the end, I do not know God.
And I see those true practitioners of art on TV, walking in that wide path…
I can’t wait to be home. I can’t wait to see faith turn to sight. I can’t wait to see my God. 🙂
Ultimately, consider the worldly gains as loss when you compare it to the surpassing value in knowing God & living for glory in Him.
“All I once held dear built my life upon
All this world reveres, and wars to own
All I once thought gain I have counted loss
Spent and worthless now, compared to this
Knowing you, Jesus knowing you
There is no greater thing
You’re my all you’re the best
You’re my joy, my righteousness
And I love you, Lord”