index cards

Here’s an intimate snapshot into a moment in my mind.

Words surround me.

Literally. Words with much meaning echo around me.
As I meet with respectable men, I hear respectable words that are worthy of noting down. Worthy of noting down.. because the principles of the Word guide these men. Worthy of noting down.. because my heart was rendered its share of experience, that affirm these words. Therefore, my room is filled with memories and words that tell me stories. As I began typing this post, I see this:

“What do you VALUE?”

One card, on my upper left corner of my eye, says this to me as I quietly typed away my thoughts and answers. I look to my right-

Bad Reputation
leaves a bitter taste
in people’s mouth
that is not quickly
forgotten

Looking back at my screen, I lower my eyes and inhale as an old memory began to play.

“So.. that’s how you wash rice pots.”
“Wait. Really? I didn’t know that! I thought we can just leave it out there.”
“Wow.. Michael. If you don’t put hot water in, the rice will cake over. Hmm.. You’re really dumb.”
“HEY!”
“*giggle* Just kidding..”
“*smile* I wonder what else you’ll teach me..”

I sigh, and breathe the present air again. A sad smile creeps in as I remember the bittersweetness of the past lesson. Scars from that rosy thorn remind me of the damage that was done as a result of my conduct. More of the past echoes back the aftermath of my mistake.

“Michael.

She’s gone.

Forget about her.”

My heart sinks, as regret begin to well up again… *tap tap tap* Flashbacks stop, as the quiet of my room interrupts my memory reel. *tap taptaptap tap* The light tap-tap of a neighbor laptop keeps me still. I smile, as I remember another moment.

“Hey, let’s pick a day.”
“For what?”
“To wear the same clothes. *grin*”

I smile a little bit, but I feel another thorn crawl back-

“Every time I talked with you, experience tells me it’s worthless.”
“…..”
“Every time I shared with you, it NEVER changed ANYTHING.”
“….”
“I’ve told you why I’m like this.. many times over…”
“…. I’m so sorry..”

“… But I want to reconcile; that’s why I came back.”

Tears rimmed my eyes, as I realize the hemineglect of my mind has hurt another’s heart. When I was forgiven,.. I resolved to let myself become secondary to everything. Another memory waltz in as I remember my commitment to this resolution.

“Mike… I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay. Understand this: my feelings are secondary to our relationship. My feelings are secondary to His glory.”

I can bear it. Bygones are bygones and the past is what it is.

Those thorns are peeling away, as I pursue what is most valuable. Past mistakes do remind me of index card lessons; lessons that were learned first-hand through hard experience. Had I paid attention to the Word of my King, I would have saved precious time and emotions from being spent on living through bittersweet memories..

But I resolved to never repeat the past. I resolved to move on and live for what I value.

I get up and, as I head off to bed, I look at the card that stares back at me:

Do Your Absolute Best With What’s Been Given To You

+Michael K

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